Sunday, November 7, 2010

*It Happened in the Hospital* Part 1

In celebration of Missouri Prop B's dramatic, down-to-the-wire, 51% of the vote-gaining victory, today we'll indulge in some hospital stories. Because I have enough of this material to fill an encyclopedia-sized tome, I'll stick to only what I saw this past week.

*A lady told me that her very large dog had a tendency to bite when examined, so I might want to nuzzle him. I may be a dog whisperer, but I don't think so.*

*A very sweet elderly lady told me that when she first got her cat as a stray, she picked all eighty-five fleas off him. "Eighty-five?" I asked, "Did you count them?" She said, "Oh yes. Eighty-five."
All right then. She probably did it in less than an hour eat your heart out, competition!  *

*While I was standing in the lobby writing up my records for a previous appointment, the door to Exam Room 1 kept opening a crack, closing again, opening a crack, and closing again. It was odd, but I just assumed the client was eavesdropping on my conversation with the other doctor. (Clients get a kick out of me talking about non-medical things, like my quarter mil of educational debt or former prostitutes running for NY governor.) However, when I stepped into Exam Room 1, I became immediately aware that this woman's obese, gremlin-faced Boston Terrier was trying to intentionally suffocate her via creation of a noxious gas chamber. Hence her need for intermittent ventilation.
The dog's buggy eyes said to me, "This is what she gets for taking me to the doctor!"  I slickly avoided palpating his abdomen, so as not to worsen our ambiance.  The woman had made the appointment partly to gain weight loss insights for the dog, but confessed that her husband had just given him a lion's share of Italian dressing-marinated pork chops. If for no other reason, it's good to avoid this kind of feeding in order to improve one's own air space.*

Until next time...
Remember to treat the underlying cause.

No comments:

Post a Comment